An Egotist and a Narcissist walk into a bar. As they swagger through they stop to smile at two fabulous people smiling at them from across the room.
They ask the bartender to send drinks over.
The bartender looks around.
“These two?” he asks pointing them out. “That’s a mirror, you’re looking at your own reflection.”
Inflated ego, vanity, personality disorder, control freak, just some of the words and phrases commonly used to describe an egotist or a narcissist.
Basically someone with an inflated sense of importance.
The Egotist – aka Egoist, Egocentric or Egomaniac
Largely used as a derogatory term for someone who thinks too much of themselves, the word ego has a bad reputation, however ego can have both positive and negative aspects to it.
To have an ego (which everyone does to some extent) is to have a strong sense of self, to be confident and self-reliant. It’s only when the ego transcends into arrogance and narrow-mindedness it becomes a problem, for those on the receiving end that is.
It’s paradoxical, that people with over inflated egos more often than not, have a deflated sense of self. They feel inadequate and therefore spend an exuberant amount of time and energy on “bigging themselves up”, needing to be right all the time and at any cost, even when they know they’re wrong. They take failure, making mistakes or being proved wrong, as a personal attack, an annihilation of their value and self-worth.
Having a positive ego means having a healthy ego. With a healthy ego people believe in themselves and have a strong sense of self-worth, but without the need to be right all the time. They can be flexible, adaptable and know how to put their opinions across without ramming it down other people’s throats. They can be gracious when disagreed with or proved wrong and move forward with open minds, fired up even more and ready to take on new challenges. Individuals with healthy egos can be inspirational and motivational, be excellent leaders and valuable team members.
The Narcissist
The narcissist is so wrapped up in their own sense of self-importance, that they ignore the needs of others and have a total disregard the feelings of those they encounter. While most of us display the occasional narcissistic trait or behaviour, true narcissists believe they are beyond reproach and it’s everyone else who has a problem. They live in a fantasy world basking in their own self-acclaimed glory, they crave constant praise and admiration and will put others down with bully tactics and intimidation.
These people are “word weavers” and use their way with words to unsettle others and put them off their game in order they rise victorious. They can be charming and charismatic and can easily lure people into their web of shady behaviour. A narcissist can be a romantic seducer, a co-worker, a highly polished salesperson, a social-butterfly, a friend, family member or acquaintance.
With all that in mind, how can there possibly be a positive side to narcissism?
Well, beneath the guise of a menacing force to be reckoned with, a healthy or positive narcissist can actually be quite vulnerable. Someone with healthy narcissism may well still possess charm and charisma, still be a bit cocky and self-assured, feel proud of their accomplishments and lap up any praise, but who doesn’t like a pat on the back now and again?
While the healthy narcissist will still possess a sense of entitlement, they will have it without being completely devoid of empathy and emotion. Selfish behaviour will be in short bursts and well managed, rather than relentless and out of control. They will on the whole, be accountable for their mistakes and fro pars, even though they might not like to admit it! A healthy narcissist will be able to admire and accept the admiration of others while maintaining a solid sense of self-esteem and self-worth.
I am only just touching the tip of the iceberg with this post, there are many layers and levels to these personality traits and sadly, many deeply disturbed and devious true narcissists and egomaniacs out there that you and I would do well to give a wide berth.
Gail Marra is a Clinical Hypnotherapist, mindset coach and author of the best selling book “Health Wealth & Hypnosis – The Way To A Beautiful Life
Buy your copy today: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0891QLZG2/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
